Theater Behavior
Today, we've grown used to sitting home with a rented Blockbuster DVD, lounging on the couch in our underwear eating Ben & Jerry's while Bruce Willis blows things all over our 60-inch TV screen. There's a place for home film viewing. Sometimes I like to discover a small independent film and watch it all by myself in the comfort of my own home.
But there's still nothing quite like the movie theater experience--seeing film on the big screen like they were meant to be seen, big and loud and by lots of people. Films speak to the masses, and the best way to see film is amongst the masses. Comedies are just funnier with hundreds of people laughing around you. Dramas are more dramatic when the woman behind you starts to weep. Scary movies are so much scarier when your fellow theater-goers scream in terror with you. While I own a very large DVD collection myself, I will never give up on the theater as my favorite way to see a movie.
That being said...
Sometimes the theater experience just isn't what it's supposed to be. The problem is the same thing that makes movie theaters great...they're full of people. And sometimes not everyone in the crowd understands quite how to use the movie theater. And they tend to lessen, if not ruin, the experience for the rest of us.
So with that in mind, let's review a few tips to make sure you're part of the fun, not part of the problem.
Get there early
I can't tell you how many times I've gone to a big opening night for a big, big movie, one that everyone's been waiting for, and seen someone walk into the theater with their wife or girlfriend five minutes before it starts, look around in disgust at all the full seats, and say, "Oh, come on!" Well, guess what? Big movies sell out. You need to get there early if you want to get any seat, much less a good one.
Just know what movie you're seeing. Is it opening weekend for a film that you've been hearing about all over TV and magazines for months? Lots of buzz means lots of people want to see it. And that first weekend especially, they'll all be there. So you need to plan ahead, and show up about a half hour early. This'll let you get in line with the other people that will probably be waiting to get in, and increases your chances of getting a seat, and not have to annoy the rest of us by asking "Is that seat taken? Can you move over one?" If you don't want to wait around that long before a movie starts, than you might choose to wait a couple of weeks until the buzz dies down. It'll be less crazy then. Or consider a matinee or late night showing.
Don't be late
When the lights go out and that movie starts, I want to be totally immersed in it. And I can't do that if you come in 10 minutes after it starts and are stumbling around in the dark in front of me, or trying to climb over me. Same principle as above. Just plan ahead. Know when it starts and get their early, and if you're late...well, there's another one starting in about two hours.
You're not just annoying other people when you come in after the movie starts. You're robbing yourself, too. The first 10 minutes of a film script are designed to establish character and set up the dramatic premise. If you miss those minutes, you're going to be lost. You might still have fun watching things explode or Jim Carrey doing something elastic with his face, but you'll be missing the story. Don't do that to yourself. Be there when it begins.
The worst offenders of this are people in the mall theaters. I'll be sitting in a movie, and we're just about at the third act, with maybe a half hour left in the film. And inevitably, some schlub decides that now is good time to walk into the film. He's just killing time while his wife is shopping, and he just wants to watch something. So while I'm deep into the film, this guy comes walking in and starts looking for a seat. I'm both distracted by his moving around and by wondering what kind of idiot walks in and sees only the end of a film?! The movie fan in me wants to throttle him!
Cell phones. Use your head.
My friend Russ always loves to do this before a movie starts. He'll stand up and say loudly, "Well, the movie's about to start, I think I'll turn off my cell phone". Usually someone in our group will say, "Hey, that's a good idea, I think I'll turn off cell phone, too!" And Russ usually adds, "It would be great if everyone turned off their cell phones."
This is the cell phone age. We've all got 'em. And we've all had them long enough now to know how to properly use them. You turn them off in a movie. Or you set them to vibrate if you really can't get through two hours of your life without taking a call from your friend to tell you about who she saw your ex at a bar with last night. We don't want to hear your phone ring. And believe me, when it happens, you'll feel a serious vibe of anger and resentment from everyone around you. Don't put yourself through the experience. Turn it off.
I remember sitting in a movie one time, and this guy's phone went off. He just answered it, like it was no big deal, and just started talking away at normal volume. And when a couple of people had the audacity to tell him to shut up, he got pissed. Are people really that clueless? Sad but true.
This is not your personal audience
Many people come to theaters who think they're amateur comedians. Before, and often during, the movie, they'll loudly belt out "funny" remarks, hoping for a reaction from people around them. This is not Star Search. We don't want to hear you. There are no talent scouts here. Maybe this is as close to a brush with fame as some people will ever get, I don't know. For whatever reason, they get intoxicated on the crowd. And some of them, of course, are just plain intoxicated...
Keep your comments to yourself, por favor
I cringe after every trailer, because when the silence falls, I'll inevitably hear someone says aloud, "That looks funny!" Well, it's a comedy, lady. I should hope so. Or I'll hear, "Wow, I'm going to see that one!" Really? Can you tell me when and where, so I can see it somewhere else?
Movies, and especially trailers, are meant to cause emotional responses in us. And that's great. But please consider either keeping them to yourself, or at least whispering them to the person next to you (that is, assuming you came with that person. I've had total strangers want to tell me their every reaction during the film just because I was unlucky enough to end up next to them). Use your theater voice, not your living room voice. Your fellow movie-goers will thank you.
Go before the movie starts
Really, I know sometimes people need to go to the restroom. And when nature calls, you really have to answer. But you getting up and crawling over people, walking in front of other people, and then trying to find your seat again in the dark is very distracting. Consider dropping into one of those handy restrooms before the movie starts (another bonus of showing up early) so you'll lessen your chance of needing to T.C.B. mid-movie. Of course, you could be like my roommate, and always seem to drink several beers right before going to the movie. In this case, not much you can do, I guess. Remember, you don't own beer, you only borrow it...
In short....
We're all there for the same reason, folks. We're there to enjoy a movie. By working together and exercising a little common sense and courtesy, we can insure that we all do, and keep the theater experience a desirable and pleasurable one for everyone. If you feel you have a problem with any or some of the thoughts mentioned above, perhaps you might consider that Blockbuster in-your-underwear option. Hey, you can even leave your cell phone on at home...